Xerxes Fullerton III presumed Halloween 2018 would be just like every other year. He was a man on his way: senior thesis nearly finished, a salaried job with a trusted bank all but secured, unparalleled costume for October 31. The morning of Halloween, everything was going as planned. Fullerton III woke up at 6 a.m. to begin his hair and makeup for his Sexy Baby Benjamin Button costume, determined to win the Whitman Costume Contest for his third year in a row. After finishing his prosthetic aging makeup and drawing on wrinkles around his normally chiseled abs, around 11 a.m., an alert lit his phone: “11:15 INTERVIEW AT THE BANK!” Weeks ago, Fullerton III had set up an interview with a local bank for a salaried position after graduation– but he had forgotten. It was now 11:03. With no choice but to run there, the sexy baby old man sprinted, shirtless, prosthetic turkey neck waggling in the wind, down Main Street toward his interview. He arrived, breathless, sweat collecting under his bald cap. He entered the bank, exposed nipples quivering with fear, as suited men and women’s eyes widened with trepidation at the sight of the topless ancient infant. The elderly child approached a terrified bank teller, who pointed him toward his interview room. Despite his costume, Fullerton III feels the interview may have gone relatively well. He is currently waiting to hear back about the job.