Oblivious Walla Walla tourist verging on third week at Stanton after mistaking it for resort

Ashlyn Quintus, Hard-Boiled Leg

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Ahh … the end of September – when the leaves begin to turn, the air begins to crisp and Whitman’s campus says “adieu” to its first whole month in action. Well, all but one particular resident, who doesn’t know he really should say “adieu” … really … please … it’s weirding out the sophomore residents. Yes, I am referring to the rogue, dumbly oblivious Walla Walla tourist who has mistaken the new Stanton Hall as a fancy resort. You might’ve seen him wandering around in a robe, with unfortunately no underpants, drinking wine off the balcony, singing Italian Arias poorly and continually requesting room service, mistaking the RAs for resort attendants. The school understands that it summoned up a pretty penny … like million(s) of dollars … in order to make this fine establishment, and that it is really nice, so they feel empathetic and awkward about the situation, especially since it’s been three weeks. So, Ronald, if you are reading this, it is time to pack your bags and hit south of town, or a local bed and breakfast or something. On behalf of Kathy Murray, the rest of the administration, Stanton Resident’s Life Staff and Stanton residents: bye bye. We hope this finds you well. If not, we at least pray you put on some underpants and abide by quiet hours.

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