Disclaimer: The Wire must disclose that the author of the following article did not “get into” the sorority she wanted during rush. But she is NOT bitter. She made that very clear to us.

Well, it’s been two weeks since school started, and you know what that means: it’s time for first-years to cling to an arbitrary group in the name of sister- or brotherhood. Ha, good luck with that. This year it seems there’s been a new addition to the recruitment process on the sorority side–potential pledges are being asked to undergo a series of challenging acrobatic tasks. These acrobatic challenges, including doing the splits and backflipping through a room full of lasers, will culminate in a tightrope walk from Maxey to Olin.

One Delta Gamma member, Blondie McPonytail, had the courage to speak to me, even though I’m not in her little club. (Author’s Note: it appears that I neglected to write down the head of recruitment’s name. But I remember she was blonde and had a ponytail)“The tightrope walk is all about seeing who is the best fit for our house,” said McPonytail. “I mean, if you can’t balance on a rope suspended 100 feet in the air and risk death or serious injury for your sisters, maybe Greek Life isn’t for you.” Yeah, I heard you the first time DG!

Meanwhile, the fraternity recruitment process has actually been pared down this year. Potential pledges must all stand in a circle and burp. If they can burp, they are given a spot. That is all.