5 Ways To Show Your Problematic Dream Man That You’re Not Like Other Girls

Ann Karneus, Impressed Gourd

We’ve all been there, ladies. If you’re into men, you’ve most likely fallen prey to a certain type of irresistibly mediocre guy that gets your heart racing and your blood pumping. He doesn’t seem to be particularly interested in getting to know you as a person, but his generic interests and appearance are just so hot, and you can’t help but lust after his validation and assuredly thin lips. But the age old question remains: what’s going to set you apart from all the other women out there, and how do you show him that you are a cool girl? You know–one that isn’t into makeup and doesn’t gossip like most girls–someone that has substance, you know? I’ve jotted down a few simple guidelines you can follow that will make your man manic-pixie-dream-girl you for all eternity.

1. Let him know that you’re one of the guys!! Dudes love a girl that can just hang out, you know? Let him know that you’re chill. I would recommend knocking back a couple brewskis because, as you probably know, most girls don’t really like beer. Take a few risks! Burp just to show him you’re not grossed out by stuff other girls are grossed out by. Eat a lot to show him you don’t care about calories or whatever. But REMEMBER**: always look hot while kicking it with your boy; these tricks won’t work if you look like one of the bros.

2. Make borderline offensive or misogynistic jokes at the expense of other women. And more importantly, don’t call him out on the borderline misogynistic stuff he says either!! Your man won’t like girls who nag him and can’t take a joke, so be complicit and DON’T let him know when he says things that bother you.

3. Alienate yourself from other women, ladies! Make the distinction clear between you, and them. What’s the #MeToo movement again? Beats me! Show him that you could not only care less about women’s issues, and that you even view them with contempt.

4. Don’t be talking his ear off with information about yourself! Most girls can be so chatty and self-involved, so really make an effort to hear about him and his interests. Plus, a little mystery and/or portraying yourself as an ethereal, dimensionless, unrealistic version of yourself will draw him in even more.

5. Curate your interests depending on what he likes. If I know this type of man at all, he’s assuredly not interested in most content produced by women, so you shouldn’t be either. To give you a few examples: you’ll immediately get into his good graces if you mention Walden, Into the Wild, Catcher in the Rye, or literally anything about Quentin Tarantino. I mean, Quentin is one of the greatest filmmakers of our time after all, and Kill Bill is ~feminist~, so maybe your guy isn’t even as problematic as you thought! But again ladies, remember to let him carry the conversation. And always look hot.