Storied history of well-meaning presidents continues

Trevor Lewis, Humor Writer

It’s official. On Jan. 20, 2017, a genuinely awful person will be sworn into the highest office in the land for the first time. I’m terrified and distraught. Luckily we have voices in the political community to rely on in times of tumult:

Illustration by Claire Revere
Illustration by Claire Revere


“I can’t think of a time our country has been more divided. We are soooooo screwed.”

-Abraham Lincoln

“His comment about shooting someone on fifth avenue was very troubling. A president should be above petty violence. Also, are you kidding me with his immigration plan? It’s completely unethical to displace that many people. I fear he’ll irrevocably tarnish the morally pristine office of the presidency.”

-Andrew Jackson

“His treatment of Women is absolutely appalling, totally unbecoming of a future president.”

-John Adams

“He seems very thin-skinned. I’m worried about freedom of the press if he wins.”

-John Adams (again)

“His ties to the KKK frighten me.”

-Woodrow Wilson, Warren G. Harding and William McKinley in unison and pre-labor-day attire


“I can’t believe the status of political discourse in this country. I mean, really, when did our standards sink so low? Just because some idiot says things you vaguely agree with doesn’t mean they should be fucking president. This election is indicative of tremendous cultural, political and intellectual decline.”

-Former Vice Presidential candidate and nationally renowned stateswoman, Sarah Palin

“I just don’t want him to undo all the good we did by changing the name of our school’s newspaper.”

-the artists formerly known as Pioneer staff