Me Try Impress Now

Trevor Lewis, staff writer

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Hello.

Me couldn’t help but notice you very pretty lady. You think me pretty too? Me wear ironic button up with tiny schnauzers printed on it. Me lather Axe bodywash to disguise stink flesh smell. Me very, very cool.

Maybe you want talk?

Me excellent conversationalist. Approachable.  All friends say.

No?

That fine.

You like dance? Me gyrate torso in suave way. You watch.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Many sorry.

Me jab you in forbidden sensitive breast place with elbow. Me not mean to. Me apology now.

Dance perhaps not best way to connect on sacred fluid exchange super friends level.

This not working well.

Me go now.

Me not go because want go. Me go because you angry go-away look me.

Maybe me get rectangle code first. You want rectangle me sometime? We possibly consume hot caffeine juice and make Netflix on futon together later? No?

Well, this certainly looking like lost cause. Me say reverse greeting and go drink excessive wheat-flavored mind poison at TKE now.