Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Sin-counters Revolution Begins

Illustration by Emma Rust.

The ever so clever 2014 first-year class has come up with a new way to get through Encounters: drinking.

The mastermind behind the trend, Sandy Caine, described how it came into fruition.

“I was super inspired by ‘Hind Swaraj’ and could totally identify with Gandhi’s active non-violence stuff. So I felt like the best way to combat non-violently the boring nature of Encounters was to start a drinking game revolution. I call it ‘Sin-counters,'” said Caine.

Caine proceeded to explain the logistics of the game.

“Whenever Encounters gets boring, which is like every day, I whip out my flask and start playing. It’s really simple. You just take a swig whenever someone utters one of the top five most popular words to say in Encounters,” said Caine.

Caine collaborated with her best friend, stats nerd Megan Tanner, who sent out a survey to the first-year class in order to collect accurate data. Tanner then compiled a list of the top five most commonly used words in Encounters.

“Well, ‘society’ is by far the most popular word. Our data shows us that 32 percent of the time a student will start out by saying something like, ‘The problem with society is…’ and then proceed to offer a slightly offensive generalization about all of American culture,” said Tanner.

Some of the other most popular words and phrases to say in Encounters include “Sorry, I didn’t do the reading,” “literally” and “dichotomy.”

When asked if they actually knew what the word “dichotomy” means, several first-years responded with convoluted answers.

“I’m not really sure what it means, but when I use it I sound hella smart,” said Jeremy Mack.

Straight-A student Francis Channing was more confident.

“Oh, it obviously means two lobotomies. If you just break the word down into parts, it makes total sense. Trust me, I learned about this in linguistics,” said Channing.

Perhaps the most surprising word that consistently showed up in Tanner’s data was “penis.”

Class clown Eric Wanton explained the word’s puzzling popularity.

“We also play the penis game in class, so it racks up a lot of points. It’s really fun to combine it with Sin-counters,” said Wanton.

When asked about the greater implications of playing the penis game in class, Wanton could only reply with one word.

“Penis! Penis! Penis!” shouted Wanton.

Administrators and professors are deeply concerned not only about how this will affect students’ academic performance, but also about the moral implications of Sin-counters.

“We do not condone in-class drinking, but we fear that students will turn to marijuana if we outlaw Sin-counters,” said Encounters Professor Aaron Wright.

Sin-counters will continue to be an integral part of the first-year experience until the administration comes to a decision about how to stop the revolution.

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