Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Obama Comes Out As Dog Person

Illustration by MaryAnne Bowen.

On Feb. 15, it was confirmed that U.S. President Barack Obama is not a cat person.

Vice President Joe Biden posted several YouTube videos of cats on President Obama’s Facebook wall and was not met with enthusiasm.

“He posted so many adorable clips of cats playing the piano, hiding in boxes and performing intensive neurosurgery––you know, the usual stuff––but the president was not at all excited,” said White House Press Secretary Cay Jarney.

Indeed President Obama’s public relations team posted an official response to the videos.

“We are sorry to inform the American people that the president is entirely uninterested in cat videos. Though some individuals may find them adorable or even hilarious, the president is not a cat person. We hope that even though others may identify as cat people, that they will respect President Obama’s identity as a dog person. Thank you,” read the official report.

This interaction has stirred quite a bit of controversy. President Obama has received numerous death threats and there have even been rumors about presidential impeachment. Joseph Chan, a prominent member of the Tea Party, hopes that this will give Republicans an advantage in the next election.

“I stand for an American America. We cannot have a man with truly un-American values running our country, the greatest country in the universe. It’s times like these that show us what really matters: bigotry, pro-life and cats,” said Chan.

Despite the controversy, President Obama has been very straightforward about his views. On Tuesday he appeared on “Ellen” and opened up about his life as a dog person. Ellen praised Obama for his courage and pledged her support even though she identifies as a cat person.

To President Obama’s family, his announcement came as no surprise. President Obama’s childhood friend, Austino Himmel, agreed.

“Well, I always kind of suspected it to be honest. I mean, he has two dogs right now, and when he was little, he never did like to play with cat stuffed animals. I figured it was only a matter of time,” said Himmel.

President Obama’s close relative Madeline Redlich was relieved.

“Now that he’s not hiding anything, I hope that he can live a happier and more fulfilled life. He can serve as a role model for other dog people around the country by showing that it really is okay to just not like cats,” she said.

Perhaps the individuals who were most thrilled about President Obama’s announcement were his two Portuguese water dogs, Bo and Sunny.

“A weight has really been lifted off my shoulders. It feels like I can finally be myself around him. I hope that America will continue to support him, so that we can show the world that it doesn’t matter whether you identify as a cat person or a dog person. The only thing that matters is that you are a kind, loving person,” said Bo.

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