Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIII, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Stand Up for Justice, Sit Down When Tired!

While the rest of The Backpage writers are on strike, I’ve decided to conduct a one-woman sit-in to present the administration with the visible face of our struggle. I will not leave the Pio office –– even to go to class –– until this travesty of unequal pay is remedied.

Day 1

Got pretty bored after half an hour.

Went to the Bon App coffee stand to buy a frappucino. Was $1 short. How long will this injustice stand??

Still no word from administration except that they were vaguely surprised that I actually came to work today.

Burned my bra. Set off fire alarm.

Day 2

All articles submitted were funny, but not “haha” funny. Death to the Fascist Oppressors. The people will not stand for injustice. Power to the worker. Working men of all nations unite! Overthrow the capitalist pigs. Write to your Congressman. Cascadia will rise again for the first time.

Took a nap.

Realized I’ll never win an Oscar for comedy. Started work on the next Great American Novel. Thinking of calling it “The Sound and the Fury of Not Getting a $1 Raise, You Jerks.” Sure to win Oscar now. Maybe even a soundtrack by Adele.

Day 3

Made tea. Read a book. Forgot I was involved in a sit-in. Went for a walk. Locked myself out of the Pio office. Checked my mail. Got an Opinion writer to let me back in. Made more tea.

Realized that I am probably being paid less because I am a woman. Burned my bra. Set off fire alarm.

Man, I could buy 1/15 of a Bon App meal with that extra dollar. I should have brought more food.

Day 4

Administration suggested a full-page ad in(stead of) the humor section. This is not part of the gag, they actually do this. As it is, many of us don’t get paid some weeks because they consistently run half page ads instead of our stories. Not bitter, just going to passive-aggressively write this in my article.

Chained myself to a chair with a bike lock. Now I am stuck to a chair and someone made off with my bike.

Picked a fight with the Sports writers. Lost. Next time I’m going after Opinion.

Day 5

Wanted to sing protest songs, started with Buffalo Springfield, realized I only knew a few words and ended up singing Adele’s “Someone Like You” for several hours until ASWC came in and told me to stop.

Started a hunger strike.

Ate a burrito.

“Never mind I’ll find someone with booooooooooooooze!”

Day 6

Realized I am probably being paid less because society thinks women aren’t funny. Burned my bra. Set off fire alarm.

Glad I wore so many bras.

Day 7

Wrote a number of very clever articles. Published this instead in protest.

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