Though North Hall has long been rumored to be the most haunted place on campus, recent reports coming out of Jewett Hall may challenge that claim. First-year roommates Alan Bazonrkinson and Bruce Stevens of 2-west report a number of disturbing occurrences.

“We keep hearing voices at all hours of the night,” whispered Alan. “They keep yelling unsettling things like ‘wake up, Jewett,’ but we are already awake! Sometimes we even hear moaning coming through the walls!”

“And we keep hearing footsteps, too! They’re coming from above us!” chimed in Bruce, his eyes darting upwards to the poster hung on his ceiling. “And there is no way those are girls footsteps –– it’s like a herd of elephants up there.”

“Sometimes  our friends don’t seem like our friends –– they say strange things or are confused –– I think they are possessed,” said Alan.

“Last night someone wandered into my bed by accident!” said Bruce, who seemed only to give side commentary to the scene. “That does not just happen!”

They are not the only ones. Residents of all floors have reported that food goes missing from the fridges, though they never see anyone eat it, and that dishes appear in the sink though they know everyone does their dishes. Vomit appears in the hallways on weekends, and strange, scrawly messages, and poorly drawn penises have appeared on whiteboards across the building. There are even reports of music playing and alarms going off in rooms long after the residents have left.

“It’s really freaky, man!” said first-year Katie Jameson. “My pants somehow ended up in Lydia’s dresser! And my underwear in John’s!”

The college exorcist, Associate Professor of Religion and Spookologist Mark Lind, says that these are all classic signs that there is something supernatural going on.

“If you ask me, if what they say is true, Jewett looks like one of the most haunted places I have ever seen,” he said. “I’m surprised that anyone can stay there one night, much less a whole year!”

He then crossed himself and shivered slightly.

“It’s the weird smells that always got to me,” said sophomore Jacob Jacobson, a former Jewett resident. “Some days you’d walk into the bathroom or the main lounge, and it was like something had died in there –– and no amount of Febreze could get the smell out of your nose.”

First-year Resident Assistant Ravel Lamark said that he was skeptical of the hauntings at first.

“All this time we thought the first-years were being drunk and inconsiderate,” said Ravel. “Turns out we’ve been barking up the wrong tree! It’s definitely ghosts. No first-year could cause this much destruction and terror.”

Further interviews with former RAs reveal that there has never been a year when problems of this nature have not plagued Jewett Hall, from the very year of its founding.

Despite the repeated testimonies from residents and staff members, administration remains skeptical. To date, no actions have been taken to ascertain just how haunted Jewett is, or how to rid it of these angry spirits. This leaves terrorized first-years to wait and wonder at what new horror will visit them. For them, the Jewett hauntings are not just a myth –– they are real, and they are terrifying.