Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Mr. Autumn Pageant

Ladies and Gentlemen, it is that time of year again, the time we’ve all been waiting for: fall. And with the arrival of this glorious season came the 12th annual Mr. Autumn Pageant. This year’s four contestants, Scott Flannelman, Adam Sweaterson, Jacob Thermalsocks and Samuel “Grizzly” Bootson, competed for the esteemed title of Mr. Autumn and the honor of claiming the renowned plaid trophy.

This year’s contestants were rigorously tested in categories that included lumberjacking skills, warm-beverage knowledge and appreciation, beard growing, a Q&A about what it truly means to be a “perfect fall day” and every lady’s favorite part: the swoon-inducing sweater-wearing parade, where contestants sport their best sweaters and strut the stage to a soundtrack of the Avett Brothers.

This year’s competition was especially fierce. While Bootson and Thermalsocks started out strong in lumberjacking and beard-growing, Flannelman swept the warm-beverage quiz (winning by listing all of the spices needed to make the perfect pumpkin spice latte, in alphabetical order), knocking them firmly out of the competition, while Sweaterson took a surprise lead with his answer in the Q&A session.

When questioned on what constitutes the perfect fall day, no one could argue with the answer Sweaterson gave.

“A perfect fall day begins early with a hot cup of coffee and a stroll through the park’s magical mosaic of leaves. It is followed by a lovely brunch featuring pumpkin French toast and butternut squash soup. Then a visit to a pumpkin patch and a romantic hayride to be followed by a lovely dinner, a fire in the fireplace and a viewing of ‘The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,’ while sipping on some hard cider and mulled wine. But the most important part of the perfect fall day is sharing it with someone you love,” said Sweaterson.

It is reported that nearly 97 percent of the hearts in the audience melted upon hearing Sweaterson’s speech, securing him a spot in the top two. With Flannelman and Sweaterson neck and neck, Sweaterson assured his victory in the sweater competition, sporting a gorgeous grey wool cardigan hand knit by his grandmother.

“It is a true honor, I have always lived with the belief that I was an autumn-man, despite having been born in May, but this trophy proves it. If you just love fall, you can truly accomplish anything,” said Sweaterson when asked about his new title as this year’s Mr. Autumn.

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