Aries
You will finally learn that it takes a whopping nine minutes to reach Olin Hall from the dreaded SoBo, after being late to class every day the first week.

Taurus
Victory will be yours next week when you manage to get your load through the Jewett laundry room in under four hours.

Gemini
It will take all of your willpower next weekend to not stare when you encounter someone dancing at a party like Elaine from Seinfeld.

Cancer
You will encounter possibly the most frightening beast on campus next weekend as you walk down Isaacs Street, the estranged opossum.

Leo
You will begin to wonder what’s going on with your luck with photography after you walk through a group taking a picture for the sixth time next week.

Virgo
Your life will be forever changed when you meet the love of your life, also known as Rhonda the Omelet Lady, at brunch.

Libra
You will encounter the same duck four times in one night crossing through campus, and yes, you will know it is the same duck each time.

Scorpio
You will become suddenly addicted to the caprese sandwiches at Reid, feeling a strange connection to the fresh mozzarella.

Sagittarius
Delight will be yours when the T-Tones personally serenade you after you take a bit of a spill, tripping on a shoelace right in front of the science building.

Capricorn
One of the comfy love sacs in the library will call your name one night, and the librarian will call your name the next morning after you fall asleep all night.

Aquarius
You will face the challenge of having 8 o’clocks this semester, causing such panic that the first week you ask yourself if you want to change majors.

Pieces
One of your bike tires will be inexplicably painted pink one morning, orange the next, and return to its original state three days later.