Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 10
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Post-Graduation Horoscopes

Aries: You feel a less than warm welcome to the corporate world when you realize it’s back to freshman status treatment for the third time, cause you thought you were finally an adult at the age of 22.

Taurus: Although you are an economics major, you will have a few struggles next April as you discover that you have never taken a course that teaches you how, exactly to pay taxes.

Gemini: Sadness will be yours after you discover that you have just experienced your last and final ridiculous crazy week of fun that is Camp Whitman.

Cancer: They say home sweet home, but you will soon disagree, feeling like George Costanza because living in your parents’ house sucks.

Leo: You realize that Whitman alumni connections are helpful, albeit concentrated, landing you where else but Seattle.

Virgo: Just as you thought when you were 16, you find that bartending really is your calling as you work at the local sports bar to pay off your college loans.

Libra: Immediately following your elegant walk across the stage, you spot five gray hairs in the mirror, feeling old as heck now that it’s all downhill after college.

Scorpio: As you contemplate your past four years at Whitman, you realize that the thing you will miss the most is not the people, the beautiful campus, or the serendipity, but rather Sunday brunch at Prentiss.

Sagittarius: You’ll have the last laugh when you have to pick up smoothies for everyone at your new job at Microsoft, and none other but your high school bully is behind the register.

Capricorn: A whole ton of awkwardness is yours when you refuse to wear gear from your new grad school, because it was your safety choice.

Aquarius: Next March will bring to you the interesting realization that a degree in bracketology would be worth more than your schmanzy liberal arts degree.

Pisces: An annoying discovery that you can no longer drink like when you were at college will appear when you get the first hangover you’ve had since you were 17.

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