Whitman Inequality Map

Dana Thompson

Illustration: Eddy Vazquez

When I’m walking around campus, I’ve got prospies coming up to me, saying, “You have so many different kinds of inequality on campus. How can I tell which are socially acceptable and which are not?” Well, I am always here to help prospies (and to awkwardly stare at those touring groups on my way to class, whispering, come to Whitman  . . .  ), so here is Whitman’s own Inequality Map:

  1. Inequality of outdoorsy-ness is acceptable. It is totally fine to brag shamelessly about your various and sundry kayaking, rock climbing and backpacking excursions to pasty couch potatoes.
  2.  Major inequality is not socially acceptable. It is not okay for a BBMB major to literally OR metaphorically spit in the face of a humanities major or vice versa. We like to think we all work pretty hard here. Let’s not look too hard at this. Egos are at stake here.
  3. Hometown inequality is socially acceptable. Regardless of where you are from, it is highly recommended that you talk about it as much as possible to prove to other students how uniquely awesome your hometown is because, eventually, they will surely come to agree with you.
  4. Political activism inequality is questionable. On one hand, it is socially acceptable to wave signs and pass petitions in protest, but if you take it too far, you will likely be protested.
  5. Eating location inequality is socially acceptable. Feel free to flaunt your easy Prentiss access to Jewetters, Lymen and women, and Northies, knowing full well that they resent you for it.
  6. Eating habit inequality is not socially acceptable. It is not okay to look down on others simply because they eat meat and you haven’t ingested anything cut from, produced with or secreted by animals in eight months.

We walk a fine line of politeness here at Whitman. Know your inequality map.