Halloween Costume Ideas!!!

Elena Aragon

Illustration: MaryAnne Bowen

Truly Excellent Couple Ideas

Siamese twins (Even better as Siamese cats. Siamese cat twins?)
Native American and Christopher Columbus (A very exploitative relationship)
Hawaiian Punch (One dresses up as a boxer and the other dresses up as a hula dancer)
Pantomime Horse (Who’s gonna be the butt?)
Adam and Eve (Never mind fig leaves: just go naked!)
Priest and Nun (A couple that Barbara Maxwell can truly be proud of)
Hot Dog & Bun (No, this is not an open-faced sandwich)
Harry and Hermione or Ron and Ginny (Someone’s gonna Avada Kedavra somebody . . . )

Costumes That Can’t Possibly Be Sluttified
Slutty pregnant elephant in the third trimester of the gestation period (Other alternatives include beached whale or dumpster)
Slutty Yahtzee (Even if there is a full house, there’s a 1/6^5 chance that nobody’s gonna want that)
Slutty Sasquatch (“Me Sasquatch. Me sexy thang.” Yeah, right)
Slutty lamp with shade and stand (Nothing says curves like a pole with a lamp shade on its head)
Slutty Fellow of the Ring (Seriously, does anyone  have a special place in their loins for Gimli?)

Group Ideas: For the Whole Section!
Gang Green (Everyone in the group wears all green)
Chudley Cannons Quidditch Team (Because nobody gives a hoot about those suckers)
Sandwich Condiments (Just smear it all over y’all’s bodies)
Office Supplies (And then, Rob Schneider found out how hard it was to be a stapler)
Brady Bunch Characters (Wholesome family fun for the whole wholesome family)
Assorted Fruits (Fruit of the Loom style)
Favorite mythical creatures (I’ll be the Pegasus to your Pan)+