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Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLVI, Issue 9
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Anonymous Quotes from Our Newsroom

Nazaaha Penick, curator of safe spaces May 1, 2025

"My bear just got fucking amputated." "Did you thank Tay?" "This duck is ripping my ear apart." "Malcolm X did it, and he got shot!" "This is our mannequin, we play with it." "I want to...

What You Need to Know About the Housing Lottery

AJ Johnson, IHC bourgeois  May 1, 2025

Hundreds of freshmen and sophomores like me have, for whatever reason, decided to attend another year at Whitman. They’ve hedged their bets on the housing lottery after weeks of being led by the nose...

That Whitman School Spirit

That Whitman School Spirit

Olivia Banuelos, Proud Whittie  May 1, 2025

It’s time to rep that Whitman pride — so throw on your blue! Or yellow? Or gold? Or maybe baby blue? Honestly, just wear whatever’s clean (seriously, some of y’all need to start using deodorant)....

A Look Inside Beta During Daylight Hours

A Look Inside Beta During Daylight Hours

Meghan Kearney,  still a proud Baggie (somehow) May 1, 2025

I was originally going to write about all the frats, but after thoroughly exploring Beta, I realized I really did not want to. If you’ve ever walked into a house lit by glowing purple lights,...

Being a silly guy in a serious world.

Being a silly guy in a serious world.

Nicholas Pecora, Contemporary Diogenes May 1, 2025

Living on planet Earth comes with a great deal of suffering and pain. We’re lucky to even find love, let alone keep it. Some days, it can feel like the sky itself is falling down upon you. On days...

Top 5 Things Students Plan for Summer

Top 5 Things Students Plan for Summer

Ben Sherry, Planning to Write even more May 1, 2025

As we near the end of the Spring Semester, Whitman is eager to rest from the long and eventful year here. Many plans are already in order for the summer, and we want to share a few. Thanks to an online...

Safeway: The Only Nightlife Option Past 9pm

Safeway: The Only Nightlife Option Past 9pm

Meghan Kearney, Pacing the Aisles April 24, 2025

It’s a Friday night. The guy sharing a fence with Plan B and Beta has called the cops, yet again, at an 8 p.m. gathering of music and die. You don’t know where to go now — parties nowadays are...

Five poems from a sad little guy.

Five poems from a sad little guy.

Nick Pecora, Always finishes last April 24, 2025

S.A.D. Birds chirp, trees fall, men dance, and I am sad. Russian Space Monkeys eat bananas that soar above our heads, and I am sad? Dogs fart on their cushioned thrones, and I wonder if I close...

Sunshine La Croix

Carmel Stephan, Agnostic April 24, 2025

You tropical zest filled motherfucker. On my hands and knees at your Croix,  My scorched lips part in merciless thirst, And I begin my prayer:   Fill me up. Come through me.  I...

Spring Break in the Bible Belt: Gators Gone Wild

Spring Break in the Bible Belt: Gators Gone Wild

Nick Pecora, Exotic Club Promoter April 17, 2025

Believe it or not, the southern United States have regressed since James Vance and the Giant Orange took office. Much to the chagrin of a hillbilly’s elegy, eggs are still expensive even where cost...

Mounting Fears of Duck Tariffs Arising

Mounting Fears of Duck Tariffs Arising

Ben Sherry, Member of the Quacker Movement April 17, 2025

With the whole tariff fiasco still on-going, it is apparent that the new administration has little regard for where and what they put tariffs on. This includes places that no sane man would ever set...

Mild, Justifiable Stalking

Olivia Banuelos, Supersleuth April 17, 2025

I just liked a Facebook post from 2012.  How I got here, I really don’t know. It’s been maybe five minutes. All I wanted was a little context, and now I’ve been caught red handed by his 4th grade...

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