I have four major phobias: organ music, dying alone, Renaissance faires and foods that look like anything other than food. As a child, I could never understand how people enjoy those little candies that looked like hamburgers. Even fruit-shaped fruit snacks bothered me.

Needless to say, Halloween can be a frightening time for someone like me and not because of scary stories and the haunted corn maze. I am flabbergasted by the delight some people take in meatballs made to look like eyeballs. Or cookies in the shape of weird bugs. Food magazines this time of year are relentless in their offerings of “spooky” or “creepy” menu items. The instructions for such recipes can be especially terrifying. An example, from Recipezaar.com:

For a candy called “Dracula’s Eyeballs”:

“Add a dot of black gel to the center of candy pieces for pupils. Drizzle red gel onto balls for bloodshot eyes.”

Did it not occur to anyone that this is disgusting?

Maybe I’m still haunted by my Anglican childhood. Eating a huge plate of lasagna after a visit to the London Dungeon probably didn’t set me up well to understand the playful intentions of Halloween-y food. I also have memories from my church’s haunted house, where children were forced to eat grapes that were decorated as detached eyeballs and all sorts of bloody attempts at pasta sauces.

Don’t get me wrong; I love Halloween. After all, I am British and I delight in reading Poe by flashlight and scaring the crap out of whomever I can. But food: just don’t go there. So, it is my duty to provide you with some October recipes that take advantage of the fall harvest: sensual dishes that compliment other terrors without looking disgusting. Cozy up in a blanket with a mug of hot cider, read some ghost stories and go forth into the middle of the night to be spooked. Just not by your plate.

Roasted Garlic and Butternut Squash Mac and Cheese

This is so mind-blowingly delicious that it has won me several marriage proposals. Be mindful of who you share it with.

1 lb whole wheat penne

2 ¼ lb butternut squash

olive oil, salt, pepper

1 large garlic bulb, separated

1 onion, finely chopped

10 sage leaves, chopped

4 ½ oz parmiggiano reggiano, grated

3 ½ gorgonzola, coarsely crumbled

Using a large knife, cut the squash in quarters. Scoop out the seeds and fibers. Place the squash quarters, filled with the garlic cloves, skin side up, in a large roasting pan and drizzle with olive oil. Roast in a 400 degree oven until tender and caramelized, about 45 minutes. (Leave the oven on to cook the pasta later).

When it is finished roasting, scoop the flesh out of the skins and squeeze out the garlic into the same pan, discarding the skins.

Warm olive oil in a large sauté pan and add the chopped onion and sage. Cook until soft. Add to the squash in the roasting pan along with the parmiggiano reggiano. Mix together, making sure to scrape up the caramelized bits. Fold in the gorgonzola.

Heat a pot of water until boiling and cook the pasta until very al dente. Drain and mix in a large bowl with the squash filling. Spread pasta into a 9 by 13 inch pan and sprinkle with more parmiggiano  reggiano. Bake until browned, about 15-20 minutes.

Chocolate Pumpkin Cheesecake Swirl Bars

Adapted from Martha Stewart Living

Crust

1 cup graham cracker crumbs

2 tablespoons sugar

4 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted

Filling

2 packages bar cream cheese, (8 ounces each)

¾ cup sugar

¼ cup honey

1 tablespoon cinnamon

1 cup canned solid-pack pumpkin puree

3 large eggs

3 tablespoons all-purpose flour

1/2 teaspoon salt

4 ounces semisweet chocolate, chopped

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.

In a saucepan, melt butter. Add graham crackers and sugar and mix well.

Transfer crumb mixture to 8 inch square pan and press gently into bottom. Bake until fragrant and slightly firm, 12 to 15 minutes. Set aside to cool.

Stir together softened cream cheese, sugar, honey, cinnamon, pumpkin puree, eggs, flour and salt until combined.

Place chocolate in a microwave-safe bowl; microwave in 30-second increments, stirring between each, until melted. Add 1 cup pumpkin mixture; stir to combine. Set aside.

Pour remaining pumpkin mixture onto crust. Drop dollops of chocolate mixture onto pumpkin mixture; swirl. Bake until cheesecake is set but jiggles slightly when gently shaken, 40 to 50 minutes.

Cool in pan. Cover; chill until firm, at least 2 hours (and up to 2 days). Slice and serve!