Whitman Wire

The Backpage pontificates

Kyle Seasly

October 30, 2014

Dear Backpage, I feel like a dolphin caught in a six-pack ring. Thank Oceanus I have you guys. Anyway, this girl I'm into acts like I don't even exist. We were partners in Encounters when we discussed Sartre, so I know she at least knows that. What should I do to get her to notice me? Plz halp. Advicereciever69 Dear...

Top Five Places to Poop on Campus

Top Five Places to Poop on Campus

Kyle Seasly

February 27, 2013

5. Tong Head in Tau Kappa Epsilon. Not only does it provide a great view of the majestic TKE parking lot, but it also has awesome shower curtains instead of stall doors. That way, you can pilot and co-pilot the pooper with someone. Plus, you're literally shitting on TKE! And let's face it, some of those guys really deserve to be shit on... 4. The Pit. Even though most of ...

Come join WEB to cuddle out the Valentine’s Day blues!

Evelyn Levine

February 14, 2013

To All Lonely Whitties, Come join WEB to cuddle out the Valentine's Day blues! WEB is hosting a cuddle puddle this Valentine's Day to promote healthy touching, consent and care. The Valentine's Day Cuddle Puddle (sponsored by WEB) will take place in the Reid Campus Center Ballroom on Valentine's...

Pio Columnist Confesses Publicly That He Joined Staff Just to Make a Joke About Jenkem

Matt Raymond

January 24, 2013

In a truly disgusting public interview with Whitman professor Chopra Winfrey, Pioneer humor and sports writer Tristan Gavin confessed freely that his reason for joining the staff of Whitman's newspaper was to "try to make a joke about jenkem." Gavin admitted that he "discovered" jenkem, a hallucinogenic i...

21 Dump Street

Tristan Gavin

November 29, 2012

If you have ever relieved yourself in an academic building, you have probably seen the alcohol consumption posters depicting the percentage of Whitman students drinking various amounts each weekend. As part of his thesis for mathematics, senior Kevin Duh found an obvious flaw with the poster. "They...

Reusing human waste saves water, reduces fertilizer use

Danielle Broida

September 20, 2012

We live in a society that produces more waste than any other era in history. Plastic, styrofoam and aluminum wrap around every commercial purchase, food, clothing or a house. For the sake of convenience, we have manipulated our society to think short-term, to turn a blind eye to filth and to create this...

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