Whitman Wire

Things to think about while holding in your pee

Maude Lustig, Ol' Iron Bladder

May 5, 2020

So, you have to pee. That must be why you opened this article. Well, I know you're not going to get up and go to the bathroom – you've got to be on your phone! Here are some little nuggets to mull over whilst clenching that urethe (short for urethra). Take a peek at Instagram. Mosey on over to Twitt...

I Have Never Peed My Pants and I Never Will!!!!!!!!!

Maude Lustig, Cereal Killer

February 15, 2018

I have never peed my pants, and I never will! Yessiree, this girl’s got excellent bladder control. I can go all day without a single leak. A lot of people are surprised when I tell them that. They say, “really, you’ve never peed your pants? Never?” as if somehow it’s normal to pee your pants. Actually,...

The Backpage pontificates

Kyle Seasly

October 30, 2014

Dear Backpage, I feel like a dolphin caught in a six-pack ring. Thank Oceanus I have you guys. Anyway, this girl I'm into acts like I don't even exist. We were partners in Encounters when we discussed Sartre, so I know she at least knows that. What should I do to get her to notice me? Plz halp. Advicereciever69 Dear...

21 Dump Street

Tristan Gavin

November 29, 2012

If you have ever relieved yourself in an academic building, you have probably seen the alcohol consumption posters depicting the percentage of Whitman students drinking various amounts each weekend. As part of his thesis for mathematics, senior Kevin Duh found an obvious flaw with the poster. "They...

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