Whitman Wire

Pio Columnist Confesses Publicly That He Joined Staff Just to Make a Joke About Jenkem

Matt Raymond

January 24, 2013

In a truly disgusting public interview with Whitman professor Chopra Winfrey, Pioneer humor and sports writer Tristan Gavin confessed freely that his reason for joining the staff of Whitman's newspaper was to "try to make a joke about jenkem." Gavin admitted that he "discovered" jenkem, a hallucinogenic i...

21 Dump Street

Tristan Gavin

November 29, 2012

If you have ever relieved yourself in an academic building, you have probably seen the alcohol consumption posters depicting the percentage of Whitman students drinking various amounts each weekend. As part of his thesis for mathematics, senior Kevin Duh found an obvious flaw with the poster. "They...

Sexism on Whitman’s campus: fallacies or phalluses?

Sexism on Whitman's campus: fallacies or phalluses?

Tristan Gavin

October 11, 2012

Whitman's campus has been called many things: beautiful, small, diverse, not diverse and infested with adorable squirrels. As of last week, however, you can go ahead and add "sexist" to that list. Amongst a whirlwind of accusations, Whitman's extreme feminist group, "Rhymes with Lyman," aired concerns that our beloved campus is sexu...

The Ultimate dilemma

Tristan Gavin

October 4, 2012

Last week, a team of world-renowned scholars met up to put an end to an ongoing linguistic debate. After days of discussion, they determined that adding adjectives to hobbies does not, in fact, make them sports. While the decision created uproar in the Ultimate Frisbee community, the Happy Quilting community...

Fraternity recruitment to switch to sorting hat

Fraternity recruitment to switch to sorting hat

Tristan Gavin

September 27, 2012

Despite notching another successful year of buying friends through the fraternity recruitment process, the Interfraternity Council (IFC) has moved to change the structure of recruitment for years to come. "The current system offers the first-years too much choice," said IFC Vice President Marshall Davis. "We want to take the variability of choice out of the equation."...

Worst breakup ”¦ like ever

Illustration by Emily Jones

Tristan Gavin

September 20, 2012

Last week bore witness to the end of a young relationship. Ryan Chow from 4-West recently cut off ties with his Andersonian girlfriend, Natalie Saneski, because they reportedly "weren't ready for a long-distance relationship." The couple, who met at the ‘80s dance, dated close to two weeks before...

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