Dear Steve Consalvi,

You may have incidentally ruined one of the finest arts in sporting: the fan streak (either clothed, semi-clothed, or naked). Surely, you, the 17-year-old kid from Philly who got tasered after running onto the field at the Phillies game on Monday night, did not anticipate that outcome. You even called your dad and asked if it was a good idea. Really? Did you expect your dad to say yes to such a reckless proposition?

Regardless, you have raised the bar for future streakers and possibly deterred one of the most entertaining aspects of live sports. To find out exactly what you may have destroyed, we think it’s time we take a look back and evaluate the rich history of dumb fans running onto the field at sporting events.

After watching five and a half hours of YouTube footage, we think we have gained an understanding of what exactly we sports fans love so much about other fans running onto the field. And don’t get us wrong; people freaking love it when other fans run onto the field. It’s kind of like cheering for the bull at a bullfight; you are instinctively obligated. Before we break it down, allow us to classify some particularly notable styles of fan streaking.

First, there’s the classic, yet never failing, naked soccer fan. Usually a drunk and rowdy Caucasian male equipped with only a scarf runs on to the field and has a good sprint down the middle of the pitch. Soccer streakers are notorious for a) being naked and b) having the longest runs because of the huge field and general lack of security at matches.

Then, there are the fans who hop on the field at football games. This is a much more dangerous art considering they will be running amongst 100 big men whose job it is to tackle people. Nevertheless, these fans decide to take their chances and run onto the field to raucous cheers from the crowd until they are inevitably laid out to even louder applause. Our favorite instance of fan interference at a football game came when off-duty National Guardsman Todd Kobus flipped the script on New England Patriots linebacker, Junior Seau.  Kobus hopped on the field during a Patriots-Cardinals game in December 2008 and tackled Seau as he stood on the sidelines only to wish him a Merry Christmas before being separated.

Finally, and perhaps most relevantly, there are the streaking fans at baseball games. You, Steve, fall into this category. Baseball streakers have their own distinctive style. They often come out in pairs, which is probably the product of a conversation along the lines of “I’ll do it if you do it, OK, lets f*$#%n do it!” Normally, these individuals have spent a little too much time in the beer garden. But you, Steve, were stone cold sober. What gives? Baseball fans are also infamous for running onto the field simply to say hello to one of their beloved players.

Now that we’ve given some examples of different streaking styles among sports, we’d like to suggest three general guidelines for future streakers to maximize entertainment value. Unfortunately, Steve, you only satisfied one.

First, we love it when the fans get involved with the actions of the sport itself. For example, when a fan stole the football out of Brett Favre’s hand after a snap and ran with it, or when baseball streakers run around the bases. Or, even the time when a fan ran onto a soccer field in a ref’s uniform and gave the referee a red card, and then took off all his clothes and ran from security.   These guys are awesome.

Secondly, we love it when the fans are noticeably intoxicated.

Lastly, we love it most when the fan gets absolutely leveled by security; either when they get tackled, or in your case, Steve, they get tased. And you, sir, got the bejesus tased out of you. Well done.

The paradox of fan streaking is that nothing good ever comes out of a raging fan let loose on the field: streakers face legal issues and taser burns. However, we would argue those short moments they spend on the field can become eternal in the hearts and minds of other sports fans, the stuff of legends. We as sporting fans love this phenomenon because naturally we like to see other people break rules or social norms. We can’t help but cheer for you like the bull when you run around and evade security guards, even though we know that you will be tamed by the ‘matador.’  In conclusion, thanks for the laughs, Steve.

Sincerely,

Gabe Cahn and Doyle McCarthy