Ask them out!

Welcome back to Bang City! We’re sure that many of you have already noticed the plethora of fine, foxy folks frolicking freely about campus this fall. If you are like us, that probably means you would like to bang every single one of them – at least in that sexual fantasy that somehow always manages to invade your mind during Encounters. To this we say: Just ask ’em out!

Now, no one can give you a perfect guide to asking your crush on a date, as human interaction is highly circumstantial. However, we are here to provide some advice for when the time comes (the nasty stuff will come next week, when you’ll be in need of some spicier tips):

1. Be straightforward and specific. Games are not as sexy or effective as Hollywood makes them out to be. General Chemistry is confusing enough; you don’t need to add a romantic puzzle to your crush’s workload (or yours, for that matter).
2. Provide specific times. It doesn’t need to be down to the minute, but scheduling a date ensures that the details don’t get lost in the hubbub of life. Plus, it keeps you from chickening out.
3. Texting is good for finalizing logistics, but don’t make the big move on your impersonal hunk of metal. It may be more nerve-racking, but telephone calls and face-to-face interactions are always more intimate – and they minimize miscommunication.
4. Meeting someone at a party and just going home with them is always fun. However, if you are ever feeling the need for more companionship, take the time to think about people you may want to get to know better. These are the people you should ask out.

Next order of business. Suppose the first date goes well and you’re both vibin’. You’re walking back to your abode and then comes…the moment. Do you ask them inside, or part ways for the evening? This is a personal choice and there’s no wrong way to go about it – so long as you are polite and considerate. If you are both feeling like the evening should continue, then feel free.

However this is where we, your authors, differ in opinion: Chevy feels that with his potential dates, he prefers to take things slow — keeping in mind that there are many alternatives that can be sexually pleasurable without actually having intercourse. He’s all for a little fun in bed, but feels that penetrative sex is a more powerful act than some people give it credit for. (More on that next week as we talk about power dynamics and how low commitment and “committed” sex differ).

Crystal does not feel the need to take things slowly. She believes that if the situation arises you should “a-rise” with it. Sex does not need to be some sort of lingering thing tinged with cultural power. It can just be a good time in which you have the unique opportunity to get to know someone … in the biblical sense.

There is no formula for finding someone to share your little slice of the world with. There isn’t even any reason why you should feel the need to find such a person. But being in a relationship can be a wonderful and transformative experience. If you feel as though sharing yourself with another person may ease the confusion of being a lone entity in a big world, do it.