Let’s talk about sex

Hailey Livingston, Columnist

Illustration by Madi Welch.

College students have sex. A lot. We’re all mature—let’s accept that simply undeniable truth. It’s fine if you don’t—I commend your commitment or whatever reasoning, but it’s pretty darn normal to be 20 and having casual sex. 

Let’s be honest, it’s pretty disappointing. I’m not trying to say all sex is terrible and pointless, and I’m all for sex positivity, but hooking up isn’t mind-blowingly phenomenal. 

I’d even argue that hook-up culture actively denies female pleasure. I’ve spent more hours than I can count talking about sex and with that, I can say more than confidently, women are not finishing. Sorry gentlemen, but it’s time for you to know. 

Before we get down and dirty, I need to address that I am a straight woman. The majority of the misogyny I’m going to address is going to be in regards to heterosexual relationships. I fully support the LGBTQ+ community and acknowledge their frustrations but I don’t feel I’m the right person to speak on that issue. 

With that out of the way, ladies, we’re not holding men to a high enough standard—they’re getting away with far too little. Whitman is stereotyped as a “woke liberal” institution, so it’s easy for men to talk the talk. There’s so much bragging about wild sexual abilities, how much of a feminist-man they are, and how they understand female anatomy. That said, of the women I know, none have had a boy go down on them the first time they’ve hooked up. I’m sorry, what? 

Roughly ~20 percent of women can orgasm from penetration alone—did I already mention that women aren’t finishing? When only 20 percent of women finish from penetrative sex, and men aren’t going down on us, who is getting more out of the sexual experience? I’m willing to bet it’s not the girl. In a college hookup setting, sex ends when the man finishes, leaving women lying (both ways) and disappointed. 

Women’s sexual pleasure isn’t talked about nearly enough. Actually, it’s so under the radar that most people aren’t aware that the G-Spot does not exist. It doesn’t matter how long your schlong is—it’s not reaching some magic spot that’s going to make a woman belt like a porn star. Female sexual anatomy has been so stigmatized with male genitalia that until very recently, scientists and doctors didn’t know that the G-Spot is not physically there. 

That’s not even to mention the internalized misogyny surrounding women’s sexual pleasure. I could go on and on about how unfair it is that men can hook up with as many women as they want but as soon as a girl does the same she’s “run through” and “for the streets,” but we’ve heard that rant enough.

I’m concerned about women being called “crazy” for expressing their feelings. When a male orgasms, his brain goes through a fun little thing called “Postcoital Dysphoria”—or as the kids call it, “post nut clarity.” Basically, after orgasming, sometimes boys have a moment of “clarity” where they question or judge the sex they just had now that the horny-ness isn’t clouding their judgment. We’ve normalized that response; it’s normal.

Women have a slightly different reaction. During sex, a woman’s brain releases Oxytocin—it’s a sexy pick-me-up to keep the vagina lubricated and in the mood. Funnily enough, Oxytocin is also released during labor; it’s kind of like a love hormone. 

The more you release, the more you want to release. So essentially, a woman has sex with someone, they release Oxytocin, then the woman physiologically wants more. So in turn, she wants to spend more time with her sexual partner. Make it make sense—why aren’t we allowed to feel emotional? 

It is absolutely natural and expected to feel care and compassion for a person you’ve shared an intimate moment with, and it is unfair that women are made out to be “crazy” for caring. 

Sex is great, but I’m scared to say that as a 20-year-old woman because I know the implications behind that statement. That said, Whitman needs to pick up the game. In a safe, consensual environment, there is no reason for women to be bored. Men, stop talking the talk, shut your mouth, and put it to good use. Also, put on a damn condom.