Drinks for your Major


Illustration by Claire Revere

Sam Jacobson and Grace Little, Columnists

Chemistry: Moonshine ‘cause you all can make it yourselves.

Biology:  Bloody Mary because it’s like your organisms. It’s got blood and vegetables.  

Astronomy: Galaxy Cocktail. I’ve heard that one of these will knock you out of this world, and if you have two, you might even level up to an astrology major.

Illustration by Claire Revere

Geology: Rolling Rock.  All rocks roll downhill. Just keeping pounding these when you go to work for an oil company.

BBMB: Water. ‘Cause let’s be real, with all the work you folks talk about having you should be studying.

Math: Long Island. There are a lot of variables you have to account for while making this drink but Intro to Higher should give you the skills you need to accomplish the task.

English: T’was a Dark and Stormy night when Herman Melville sat down to write his masterpiece. Keep drinking and one day you all will get there too.

Rhetoric: Sex on the Beach. You all are good at using flowery language to embellish what you’re really saying. Right?

Art: Jello Shots. Hey, when you enjoy playing with colors and shapes who’s to judge. Keep thinking outside the glass.

Music: Beethoven thought a bottle of Brandy was the perfect fifth. Oh the joy!

Film: Martini shaken, not stirred.

Philosophy: Cigarettes, Pinot and if you’re partial, a side of mansplaining.

Religion: Wine. The blood of Christ is some sacredly powerful stuff.

Theater: Shirley Temple. After three of these you too will be able to tap dance like an eight-year-old.

Politics: White Russian. Let’s be honest, the world these days is run by the Russians and white males, so why not have a drink?

Psychology: Mike’s Hard could just be a placebo effect … Now there’s a senior thesis that you could get people to participate in!

Sociology: Cosmopolitan ‘cause it’s what you drink when you’re feeling social.

History: Old Fashioned. Sorry to tell you all this, but you’re stuck in the past.

Economics: Enjoy sipping on some Natty Ice ‘cause it’s the most bang for your buck. Don’t you just love how the market decides these things?

Anthropology: Tequila Shots

Environmental Studies: Gin and Tonic. Have you all given a juniper tree a hug recently?

Gender Studies: Vodka Martini watered down with male tears. Some things have never tasted so sweet.