The Walla Walla Ecological Survey has received reports of an unexpected incline of Gnome sightings within the city. How this happened has many researchers befuddled, but The Wire has gone out of its way to help determine the cause. Do note, these are not your stereotypical Lawn Gnomes as AJ Johnson’s “An Argument for Lawn Gnomes” has referred to. No, these are quite literal and living Gnomes that scurry in our streets.

This year marks the first surge of Gnomes in Walla Walla since 1986, with their populations dwindling until now. This turn of fortunes for them is unheard of, even in places where they are known to congregate, such as Ireland, New Zealand and the Bass Pro Shop Pyramid. There was nothing to suggest that anything would change, but after reports of garden thievery, gold coins on sidewalks and skittering sounds in halls increased citywide, it is clear that they’ve returned.

Local Ecologists, including several Whitman Students undergoing work study, have yet to define a clear cause for it. As far as we know, there haven’t been any sudden increases of luck nationwide, and in Walla Walla their natural foe, the Kobolds, are not expected to travel under Walla Walla for another six months.

“We’re of the belief,” a Senior Student said, “that this group of Gnomes is likely coming here to prepare for Saint Patrick’s Day. While their connection to the Saint, the Leprechaun, the people of Ireland and the Troubles are all misconceptions, they still consider it one of their major holidays, second only to Hallow’s Eve and in some groups Festivus.”

Their sudden emergence back into the public light is not of terrible concern, but in case it does reach a worrisome level The Wire shall present this brief PSA: buy a pound of salt, carry at least seven horseshoes, pick your garden plants and, whatever you do, do not feed a Gnome breakfast (otherwise it will ask for second breakfast, and no such breakfast exists).