Ah, Whitman College and the Walla Walla Police Department (WWPD) — one of those relationships that lasts too long and has everyone wondering, “Are they still together?” The dynamic between Whitman and the local cops has been an awkward dance of questionable choices, misunderstandings and the occasional shady deal in a dark alley. It’s a relationship nobody asked for, and nobody can escape. When things go sour, it especially rings true for the students.
It all starts innocently enough: Friday night, a handful of students and one too many White Claws. You’re at a house party, vibing to the same three Travis Scott songs that every Whitman gathering must legally play (I believe it’s written in the bylaws). Suddenly, the music cuts. The vibe shifts. Sirens? No. Worse. The distant hum of disappointed neighbors dialing 911 because it’s 9:58 p.m. and how dare you live your best life on a weekend.
Enter WWPD, with their usual flair of showing up uninvited. While some cops are genuinely here to play peacemaker, others arrive with the same enthusiasm as your RA busting you for having “too many” candles in your room. “Is that an illegal amount of fun?” they seem to ask, eyeing the Solo cups questionably.
Now, Whitman students are no strangers to being scolded. It’s like we’ve internalized the idea that if we have enough existential dread, we can dodge any real consequence. So naturally, we put our faith in Campus Security, the Prius-powered mild-mannered security force of the liberal arts world. But when things really hit the fan, do they swoop in with authority and power? Or do they just hand things off to WWPD like the passive-aggressive partner who says, “I’ll let them deal with it”?
In this Bermudian love triangle, we’re left with one question: Are the cops really being called to shut down that party? Or are they just here to break up with us again — for the 47th time this semester? And like any relationship that has outlived its spark, we’re all just waiting for someone to finally cut the cord… but until then, see you next Friday.
