Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Vol. CLIV, Issue 9
Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Whitman news since 1896

Whitman Wire

Obituary: Mourning Sweetpea’s death

It is with great sadness that the Wire reports that Sweetpea, legendary star of Puppy Bowl XVI, has died. Sweetpea, the smallest star ever to grace the Puppy Bowl turf, tragically passed away hours after her performance. Weighing in at just under 2 pounds, Sweetpea’s incredible 80 yard touch down against the Kansas City Chiefs very nearly secured her team the trophy. Sadly, the puppy’s victory was botched by the fumbling mediocrity of Mr. Bean, a hairy little chihuahua from West Palm Beach Florida, who allowed Taylor Swift’s boyfriend into the end zone without so much as trying to bite his ankles. Instead, Mr. Bean was gnawing on his ratty little tail while Sweetpea worked herself to exhaustion (#cancelMrBean). This is yet another instance of women compensating for the incompetence of men. After the game, Sweetpea’s eensy weensy little heart broke and her itsy bitsy little kidneys also failed. Rest in peace Sweetpea. We will always remember you and how you absolutely owned Travis Kelce.

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