Medical researchers at Zeus University uncovered a correlation between sexual partners using “daddy” and early-onset Dad Syndrome. 

“It’s a national epidemic,” head scientist of the study, Dr. Himbo, said. “It can affect anyone.”

“You don’t recognize the signs immediately,” Mark from California said.

Well, what are some of the signs? 

“I dressed for winter weather in shorts,” Mark said. “Khaki. Seemingly against my will, but without realizing it in the moment. Everyone laughed, figuring I was just being extra Caucasian that day. When I slipped on some calf-length white socks with sandals, that’s when everyone began to worry.”

“It was horrifying,” Mark’s friend shared. “His content face when he said, ‘Alright! Get ready to rock’n’roll!’ was alarming. It took 15 minutes to convince him to wear snow boots so we could rush him to a doctor.” 

Jenna from Texas detailed her boyfriend’s Dad Syndrome development.

“I’m at the dinner table, calculating what my next paycheck will be. He sat down and got really riled up while helping me do the math. He shouted, ‘If you paid attention in class, you would know this!‘ I’m not taking any classes; I’m 26. He didn’t stop even when my tears dripped onto the paper. He remembered none of it the next day.”

Demarcus from Kansas shared his story of exposure. 

“I was out with a friend, and he said, ‘I’m so hungry.’ The urge to respond with ‘Hello So Hungry, I’m Dad’ was so intense I fell to the ground in convulsions trying to resist. It’s a terrifying disease.” 

“We still have no cure for Dad Syndrome,” Dr. Himbo said. “It’s believed by many experts to be irreversible. What we do know is that there is, at least, one form of prevention.”

That form of prevention is abstinence, which includes abstaining from being called “daddy” in a non-fatherly context. 

Check out the CDC’s page on Dad Syndrome for more information on the disease.