Submitting for honors by October, grad materials by November, scheduling senior check-ins … what more could we possibly need to do to get out of this joint? Well, don’t hold your breath, because I’ve got the inside deets on the unclear requirements for freedom. 

Harass campus’s beloved unofficial mascots: the ducks

Whether you’re putting on your cowboy boots to kill a duck for a fried feast or puckering up to kiss one like it’s your Prince Charming, you gotta check it off your senior to-do list. And the deadline is sooner than you think: before the baby ducklings are born this spring. 

Work on a farm as an “internship”

You’re telling me you didn’t work at Welcome Table, or Hayshaker, or Miles Away, or Chesed Farms? What kind of Whitman student are you?! Pull yourself up by the bootstraps and role-play as a rural American to then brag about your manual labor upon returning to your $50k-a-year private college! 

Rock climb

Yeah, yeah, I know. Not only is this activity deeply entrenched in the school’s culture, it’s also part of the school’s curriculum. But don’t worry, it’s pass or fail. Just grab at that bouldering rock outside the climbing gym for twenty minutes or so, and you cover that requirement. Quick tip for the try-hards: you can graduate with honors if you ditch the fall pads. 

Be involved in an argument about Marxism

Whether you’re arguing for a “side,” for no side at all, or you’re simply an audience member while your housemates go at it, participation in a Marxism debate is essential to completing your liberal arts degree. While “The Communist Manifesto” used to be required in Encounters, your professor might have skipped teaching it, or you probably skipped reading it. If you’ve taken a course or read a chapter on Marxism, you’re still not in the clear: it’s gotta be near fisticuffs while a fellow student shakily films the whole thing and shouts “WorldStar!”

Go to class barefoot

Just kidding. Leash up those dogs, you nasty freaks.