“Chalk Writings: An American Musical”

Ben Kearney, Not your chalk V-Nord, but keep up the good work!

Lin Manuel Miranda has done it again folks, he’s written another goddamn musical. And this time, he’s promising it’s the best thing since sliced bread. 

Written in a back-breaking 69 hours, “Chalk Writings” is a new modern day musical following the lives of misinformed college students as they navigate the pandemic through the various, and somewhat ridiculous, chalk writings in their hometown of Hollywood, Wyoming. There’s romance, suspense, Juli Dunn? And best of all, anti-maskers! 

So what inspired the man, the myth, the legend Lin Manuel Miranda to write this show, you may ask? I honestly have no clue. From what I gathered from my sources at www.daddyLMM.com, Miranda visited Walla Walla in March 2021. After eating at the delicious Bacon and Eggs downtown, he decided to take a walk up to Whitman to drown his writer’s block in Lakum Duckum. As he walked, humming “The World was Wide Enough” for some morbid reason, Miranda stumbled upon the chalk messages that have plagued Walla Walla more so than COVID itself. 

Markings such as “BLM is a marxist movement” and “Abolish the TSA,” left Miranda aroused with creativity he hadn’t felt since “Moana.” After taking photos and saving them to myspace.com, Miranda set out to complete his new masterpiece (I honestly still think he was on shrooms, but I digress).

The tracklist has seventeen songs in the first act and thirty-eight in the second act, and runs for a devilish six hours and sixty six minutes. With titles running from “COVID, the Demon COVID” to “Gonna Get My Vaccine Shot,” this musical is already in sight of a Tony in the next few years. 

Needless to say, students might want to smuggle coffee into the first performance at Harper Joy on June 9. In fact everyone should keep their eyes peeled so they can relive the hellfire mosh pit that was the year 2020. Yay, trauma.