A brief review of James Corden’s crimes against humanity

Carmel Stephan, Peter Rabbit, in the flesh

James Kimberley Corden, Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, is neither a jack or master of any trade, yet Hollywood still suckles off his chapped teat like a newborn kitten. This is a brief review of his crimes.

Notable works

  • The man has won 10 Emmys and a Tony. How? For what? Who allowed this?  Did anybody actually see the play he won a Tony for? Wtf. 
  • Carpool karaoke. Initially a good concept, its complete oversaturation in common spaces for online discourse (i.e. your aunt’s Facebook) has soiled it for generations to come.
  • Cats. The physical embodiment of James Corden’s professional and personal brand. 
  • The Prom. His legitimately offensive performance should’ve gotten him the boot, but instead it got him a goddamn Golden Globe nomination. 
  • Cinderella 2021. The reason I made this list (I did in fact watch this movie). It’s fitting he pops up in this, which is more a reflection of the movie than anything else.

    Illustration by Shasta Sholes.

Why are you here James?

 James Corden suffers from the Joan Cusack condition of popping up in the most random of movies. You don’t know what made these people famous necessarily, but you know that they are famous and notable enough to base the latter half of their career solely on cameos and bit parts. The difference here is that it’s always a pleasure to see Joan, but having James apparate completely ruins the movie. A few examples of this are (but certainly not limited to):

  • Ocean’s 8 
  • Trolls (Another chapter in the saga of James trying to convince us he can sing), 
  • The Friends Reunion (why did he host this?)
  • Yesterday (a universe where Late Late Night with James Corden exists, but not the Beatles)

Why do we really hate James? 

Because his overbearing presence in everything being pushed out Hollywood’s loins is just one big cash grab. Though his material at one point might’ve been somewhat original, it’s now just half-assed jokes and praying for someone to drop 20 bucks to watch the movie on Amazon before it’s available to rent.