Report: Snowman kinda hot?

Cade Schott, Journalist and front of the horse costume

Walla Walla has turned into a Winter Wonderland receiving several feet of snow in the past week. Many Whitman students took to their front lawns and engaged in the delightful task of building a snowman. However, this usually light-hearted activity was turned on its head this past weekend when members of an undisclosed off-campus house made a snowman that turned out…tempting? 

When asked about the experience, Matt, one of the members of the house, had this to say. “As soon as we put the last button on the snowman, we all took a step back to look at the finished project, and no one said anything, but we were all thinking it. This snowman could get it.”

The snowman is titillating in a way that is tough to nail down. The combination of the pristine, round and smooth orbs of snow constructed in perfect proportion coupled with the toned, angular stick arms create a seemingly ubiquitous sense of arousal for anyone lucky enough to catch a glimpse. People who happened to walk by the creation said they could not take their eyes off of it. “Its black button eyes were so dark and mysterious that I couldn’t help but get lost in them,” said one passerby. “I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about its perfectly symmetrical carrot nose before I went to bed that night,” said another. 

The sexy snowman even distracted drivers on Isaacs leading to a six-car pile-up. When authorities arrived on the scene, they concurred that the snowman was “unusually seductive.” The police insisted that they take the snowman back to the station “solely because its lustful enchantment poses a threat to the community,” adding defiantly that there was “absolutely no other motive for taking the snowman somewhere private.”