Three things to do after Kanye West wins the 2020 presidential election

Rachel Husband, Lester Holt’s bitch

Disclaimer: This article has been written a week prior to the results of the election, but it can safely be assumed from CNN, MSNBC and Fox News projections that independent candidate Kanye West will become the winner of the 2020 Presidential election. Here’s what you can do between now and Jan. 20, 2021 to prepare yourself before his inauguration.

1. Binge-watch all 19 seasons of Keeping Up with the Kardashians

With Kim Kardashian as the first lady, Keeping Up with the Kardashians will soon be required educational material in schools across the nation. You need to be prepared when your children come to you with a homework assignment on the Kanye-Kim proposal episode in season 9. Not only that, but American society will soon resemble reality TV even more than it already did, so it’s important to acclimate yourself by getting lost in that tiny little screen for hours upon hours in preparation for the Kanye Presidency.

2. Stock up on toilet paper like in March

This certainly helped a lot last time so go ahead and do it again. Panic-buy the literal shit out of any product. Unleash the inner hoarder within and grab everything off the shelves, especially if you don’t really need it. Do not act rationally under any circumstances; it is now forbidden.

3. Cry

This one, and I can’t stress this enough, is vital to prepping yourself for 2021. You bought enough toilet paper in step 2 to absorb about one multipack of Mountain Dew Code Red, which is roughly equivalent to the volume of liquid an 8×13 square inch baking pan can hold, so this is how much you can cry. Be careful not to cry any more than this. Remember, there’s no toilet paper or tissues left at the grocery store so you could have to resort to wiping your tears away with window curtains, bedsheets or dirty underwear.