Summer is winding down, but it’s still hot across the country, leaving many Americans looking for properly air conditioned fast food restaurants. But you may think twice about frequenting your local Taco Bell after researchers at Grand Canyon University released information regarding their recent studies into the Mexican-inspired eatery. The Bell is notorious for being a subset of the parent company PepsiCo. Its collaboration with PepsiCo has led to the introduction of Doritos into the Taco Bell lineup with whimsical menu items including the Doritos Locos Tacos and many other fusion items. GCU researchers studied a wide breadth of the menu across different performance indicators and their results were shocking, none more so than that of the infamous Crunchwrap Supreme. The Crunchwrap contains spiced beef elements, nacho cheese sauce, lettuce, tomato and reduced-fat sour cream, all contained within a crunchy, hexagonal tostada shell, making it Taco Bell’s 6th highest-grossing item after the Soft Chicken Taco. 

GCU strove to compile and categorize the Taco Bell menu after taking an interest in its unique product line. The most profound of the studies involved connecting a small fan to a caloric energy converter powered by the Crunchwrap. The amount of energy produced astounded researchers and the fan was able to run independently for a full week. By comparison, the power produced by the Crunchwrap Supreme over a seven-day period was equivalent to the power produced by a single solar panel in Oregon. The Crunchwrap Supreme may have revolutionized how we think about alternative sources of energy and modify energy consumption for years to come. Grand Canyon University will continue its studies on the Crunchwrap in 2021. Their research team reported spending 35% of the school’s research budget on this project, a total amounting to approximately half a million USD. The study also found that spilling a Baja Blast on a medium-sized dog induced intense contractions of pleasure and a sugar rush lasting upwards of an hour. This finding, GCU commented, was unrelated to their other studies of the Taco Bell menu. A spokesperson from Taco Bell refused to comment on these findings when questioned by reporters.