Local immortal Aurelia Brodeur will be celebrating her 100th birthday on Feb. 29, 2020. Brodeur, born almost 400 years ago, achieved immortality by means of a spooky potion brewed by an even spookier witch for the price of two goats. After spending a few centuries traveling the globe and making friends with people from all walks of life, she took up residence in Walla Walla. The entire community, both mortal and immortal, is excited for Brodeur’s special day. 

“The big one-zero-zero! How cool,” said senior Jonathan Johnson. “Most people don’t even live that long!”

“We’re very happy for our friend Aurelia,” said Julius Tullius Coolius, the president of the local Union of Immortals Charter. “I’ve known her since the mid-18th century, and she is one of the kindest people I’ve had the privilege of knowing, and believe me, I’ve known a lot of people! Many of the members of our charter see her as their little sister since, you know, we were all, like, hundreds and thousands of years old and she was only 30 or something. But she’s finally hit the triple digits! We’re so proud of her.”

Brodeur, on the other hand, does not share the same enthusiasm as her peers.

“Yeah, I’m finally 100, whoopee. Even though I’m technically 400 years old. Yeah whatever, here I am, 100 years old. It just gets kinda old, you know? All these other immortals are like, ‘I’m 5,000 years old,’ or, ‘I’m 800 years old.’ Even though I saw both Charles I and Oliver Cromwell executed, chilled out in the Mughal Empire, hung out with Marie Antoinette and Queen Victoria, I still could only say I was 80 years old or whatever. It was so humiliating, so so so humiliating. Never achieve immortality if you’re born on a leap year; people won’t even take you seriously.”

Brodeur is working on her own organization, Union for Leap Year Immortals. It will work to provide a welcome environment for immortals like her, who feel patronized in regular immortality groups.

“They hear your age and say something like, ‘Oh, you’re 45? Damn, you missed out on blah blah blah.’” And you just sit there, waiting for them to finish so you can tell them that you were there too. It’s so annoying,” Brodeur said. “On the bright side, I’m finally at an age that humans consider old. Yay.”