As panic spreads about urgent issues like the coronavirus and the 2020 election, Facebook has vowed to decrease the spread of misinformation on the site. One of the first items on their to-do list is to remove all overly optimistic posts captioned “New Year, New Me!” 

Facebook has yet to announce their official long-term plan for halting the spread of lies on their site, but a representative from Facebook told The Wire, “We just couldn’t continue to condone the blatant lies those posts are spreading. Jan. 1 was really a turning point for us; the site was so saturated with totally false posts claiming that our users would somehow be a new, better version of themselves this year, even though we all know they’ll be back to binge-watching “Mind Hunter” and getting up 15 minutes before they have to leave the house, just like the entire year before and every year before that. Our organization just had to take a stand.”

Beth, a dog mom from Bellevue, said, “This is an outrage! My post of me kissing my sweet angel baby Yorkies at midnight was taken down just because Facebook thought my New Year’s resolution was fake, and I couldn’t keep up with it – but I really do think I can cut back to asking to speak to a manager only twice a week! I guess I should never have used #NewYearNewMe.” 

When asked to comment on whether or not their misinformation policy also applies to their recently acquired asset Instagram, the representative from Facebook refused to comment and offered us a bag of Flat Tummy Tea, then ran to the bathroom. Perhaps the truth can only go so far.