Juul Labs launches new line of battery acid; sewage flavored pods

Ann Karneus, Owner of Dr. Feelgood's Olde Bar and Grille

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In a statement released last Thursday, the popular e-cigarette company Juul Labs Inc. has announced a rebranding campaign that seeks to increase transparency regarding the effects of their products. In less than five years, the irresistibly sleek Juul model has dominated the e-cig market and become a fixture among teens, driving up nicotine consumption 50 percent for middle schoolers and 80 percent for high schoolers.

With mounting pressure from the public to ban Juuls altogether in light of these shocking statistics, company members knew they needed to act fast. CEO of Juul Labs, Kevin Burns, hopes that by making their signature vape juice flavors more grotesque, this good faith approach will curb e-cig use among young people, which he cites as a “very serious problem that we’re trying to tackle.”

Illustration by Nathaly Perez

Unfortunately, experts have begun to argue that these new pod flavors may have the adverse outcome of popularizing Juuls even more, as they seamlessly cater to edgy and nihilistic Gen-X mentalities. After monitoring general reactions to the pods on social media, Burns has issued a follow up statement addressing this apprehension: “We certainly did not expect to garner so much support for the new line, and hope that the Twitter hashtag #ready4batteryacid is not indicative of actual engagement with the product, as we are again, very concerned about the potentially harmful effects nicotine devices have on youth’s health.”

This hashtag — which has been trending since Monday — is in reference to one of the line’s multiple flavors, which include sulfuric acid, sewage, battery acid, petroleum, hand sanitizer and bleach.

Concerns have also been raised that while injecting poisonous and potentially deadly chemicals may deter teens from juuling, adding them in could bring about a myriad of other health problems for users.

Grievances laid, the FDA has yet to weigh in on the safety of the new pods, but Burns says he’s confident Juul Labs can weather this storm.

“This is just the first step in curbing addiction; we’re actually beginning to target younger demographics to warn them about the gateway drug dangers of e-cigs. It’s going to be a new challenge, because babies don’t have social media or expendable income, but we’re hopeful that this strategy will start conversations about nicotine use earlier on in children’s lives so they’re better equipped to deal with these issues.”

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