At 10:14 a.m. last Wednesday, in the classroom of Religion Studies 136, the professor and students thought it was going to be like any other day of student presentations. With the lights off and students leaning back and ready to doze, Ben Flicker moseyed up to the front of the classroom with his laptop in his right hand and a gleam in his eye: today he was going to give a Google Suite Powerpoint™ presentation on his Apple™ Macbook Pro™ about the history of the pew.

He was going to nail it, he thought to himself as he recalled the night prior full of Wikipedia and threads of fart jokes. He confidently opened his laptop, plugged in the HDMI chord and launched Chrome™. It was at this moment the room never felt more like Halloween — shining out an orange and black color palette across the hungover, eye-bagged, crusty faces of his peers was an original PornHut™? video entitled “Mega B**** Gets B********** B* The P******* and a D******* Doinged G****!”

Ben unwincingly dragged his mouse across the screen and clicked the Google Powerpoint tab at the speed of a 1990’s internet ad. He then proceeded to start the presentation with a poor rhetorical question and carry on about the evolution of church seating.

Reactions differed a large amount. Some students were hands-down put into a frenzy over the ordeal.

“I couldn’t never believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t never wanna never see human bending like never that again. Agh woah and then moving!!!!” declared a clearly frazzled sophomore, Mark Mingersun, at the scene.

Whereas others remember the class period fondly. “Honestly, it was a pretty good presentation. I learned a lot about the pew.” Senior Janice K. mentioned later that day.  The professor acknowledged that “Hey hey hey — we’re all human, aren’t we?” and maybe he has a point. Maybe we are all human. Huh.

As for Ben, he’s out there somewhere. Maybe he might consider using incognito next time to prevent such uproars in the future.