Since manufacturers recalled the Easy-Bake Oven, humans have been searching for something to replace the hole in their hearts that they thought could only be filled by pink baking racks and rock-hard muffins. They thought they found it in Silly Bandz, but the satisfaction of having random shapes cut off their circulation only lasted for so long. Needless to say, it was a tough couple of decades for the human race, until falafel swooped in and saved us all. Since the establishment of falafel brothels, humans have discovered that nothing is out of the question when it comes to pleasure.

Unfortunately, many people are unaware of these new establishments. Falafel brothels first appeared after the second Bush administration. Their popularity decreased while Obama was office, but shot up after the 2016 election for obvious reasons. They are currently enjoying their highest ratings in years.

There are several things someone who is beginning to get into food brothels should know. For one, you may feel uncomfortable with the sensual positions of the falafel. While they drape their strategic parts in hummus, the falafels leave little to the imagination. You might also be overwhelmed by the number of workers who ask you to refer to chem as “chickpea.” This can be confusing, but most falafels have identifying pieces of parsley throughout their bodies to make them easier to distinguish from one another. Perhaps the most shocking part of the experience is the use of garlic as an aphrodisiac. You may become concerned when the falafel dangles a head of garlic in front of your nose for several hours, but if you trust the process you’re sure to have the time of your life.