Another lively event has shaken, yet again, the campus of Whitman College. For the third time this week, a junior student has gone to bed with both socks certainly on their feet, but woken up with just one. The student stated, “I guess one of them just fell off in the middle of the night. I’m pretty frustrated. There’s an uneven distribution of heat between the two feet now. You could say I’m tired.”

To make this trying time even more difficult, the student has noted that he cannot find his sock anywhere, so if you see a his sock, let them know. It looks like a sock. Luckily, the student has been excused from classes for the next week and a half. If you have any questions about this decision, or if you too have been affected by this epidemic, let the Dean of Students know.

“When, at what point, will these difficult events subside? When can we as a campus unite and say no to these mal-fitting events? We are done getting cold feet over this. If we want change, we must act now.” The student’s close-good friend concluded.