Campus bathrooms RANKED

Maude Lustig, Porcelain Princess

In a world of communal bathrooms, it can be hard to find a peaceful place to lose your poop. Luckily, The Wire has you covered. Sit back and relax, because the doctor of dropping logs is in.

5. For the Late Night Poo

Where: Upstairs Music Building (Single-Stall)

Yes, the toilet paper is scratchy, but what this toilet lacks in amenities it makes up in privacy. Plus, the music building is open 24 hours with swipe access. If this bathroom is occupied, you can also find some decent ones in the basement.

4. For a Classy Crap

Where: Memorial Hall

Umm, is this Whitman College or the Bellagio?? This bathroom is the perfect spot to rub elbows with Whitman’s rich and famous. Who knows, you might even run into Kathy Murray buttoning up her pants.

3. For the Intellectual BM

Where: 4th Floor of the Library

If your fifth cup of coffee has everything churning around down there, this is the place to be. Just be sure to check that there’s still toilet paper before ya cleanse that colon.

2. For a Hasty Number Two

Where: Maxey Hall

Need to lay bricks before class? Mosey on over to these bathrooms by the professor offices. They’re prime for when the urge to purge hits and the bell’s about to ring.

  1. For a Deuce with a View

Where: 2nd Floor Hunter Conservatory

Guys, I’m hesitant to even include this one. This bathroom is the Cadillac of single-stalls. It’s quiet and secluded with beautiful natural light. Pro-tip: Open up the windows a crack for a view of the lake and some fun people watching.