Maude Lustig, Scurvy Survivor

Beyoncé was recently spotted on Whitman campus–by me! Queen Bey herself appeared yesterday as I was strolling through campus on a walk by myself.

“Ms. Knowles, Ms. Knowles!” I exclaimed as I rushed over. “I can’t believe you’re here!” Her bodyguards blocked me from getting too close, but then Bee told them to move aside and let me through.

“What is your name, child?” Beyoncé asked as she took my face in her hands.

“Maude Lustig,” I replied. “I write for The Wire humor section!”

She smiled serenely. “Maude,” she repeated, “sing something for me.” I sung a few bars of “Halo” and watched as tears came to her eyes.

When I was finished, she said, “You have a beautiful voice, and it has been an honor to meet you. I have to leave now to return to my tour, but before I go, would you like to hold the twins?” I held them for a few minutes, and then it was time to say our goodbyes.

“Oh, Yoncé, don’t leave! I want you to meet some of my friends first.”

“I can’t, child, I was only here to scout backup singers for my next album. And it looks like I’ve found the perfect one.”

With that, she twirled away and disappeared, taking her twins and her bodyguards with her. So yeah, that’s like the story of how I met Beyoncé and became one of her backup singers. I don’t know if I’ll do it though because I’m like really busy with school and stuff.