With only a few weeks left in the spring semester, and with finals quickly approaching, Whitman students are starting to feel the end-of-school-year stress. In addition to the lack of sleep and lack of money for alcohol, most students have expressed a sense of impending doom looming over them.

For the most part, Whitman students are friendly and optimistic. Over these past few weeks, however, instead of holding doors open for inordinate amounts of time and smiling at strangers, they have been slamming doors in people’s faces and flipping people off for no apparent reason.

“At the beginning of the year I read every reading, figured out every math problem on my own and even thought that the state of the world was okay,” junior Pessy Mism said. “But now, with the school year ending, I haven’t read a book since winter break, I forgot how to divide two-digit numbers and I’m pretty sure the sun is going to run out of energy during my lifetime.”

This sense of withering optimism may be attributed to the end-of-the-year activities for prospective students—with so many high schoolers on campus, Whitman students must come face to face with hopeful, energetic teens who have no idea what college has in store.

“I was hosting a prospective student this weekend, and when I asked if she wanted to go downtown to do homework with me she said no because she didn’t have any homework,” Mism explained. “I immediately started crying and had to call my mom so she could remind me that I was once like this student.”

Experts say the usual Whitman spunk and optimism will return at the beginning of the fall semester. Meanwhile, the administration has banned all prospective students from visiting in order to take care of Whitman students’ sanity.