Macklemore Song Solves all Religious Conflict

Trevor Lewis, Staff Writer

Illustration by Taylor Penner-Ash
Illustration by Taylor Penner-Ash

We all knew you could do it, Macklemore!  Way to go!  In case you’ve been living under a rock for the last week, hip-hop recording artist Ben Haggerty obliterated growing tension between the Judeo-Christian West and Muslim east, singlehandedly ushering in an era of prosperity and understanding which will surely last for centuries.  His new billboard-topping single “Same Affinity for Ridiculous Hats” is now the national anthem for Israel, Palestine and Persia Super Friends Coalition (formerly known as the Islamic Republic of Iran). The pope commented on the song last Tuesday saying that “this shit is bangin,” and will “definitely bring some honeys to the papal chamber.”  Other notable reactions include:

“What can I say? The man spits bars. We’re reconsidering like a ton of stuff right now.”

Ayatollah Khamenei, supreme leader and self-described “head brochacho” of the Persia Super Friends Coalition

“I can’t even remember what we were fighting about.”

Benjamin Netanyahu immediately before French kissing Mahmoud Abbas. Sources can confirm tongue.

“I feel like such an asshole right now.”

Rick Santorum

When hearing news of his song’s wide reaching appeal, Macklemore was humble saying only “Well, damn! I guess I’m rap Bono now,” before boarding a cargo plane on its way to distribute Birkenstocks to Bengali orphans. In equally astounding news, Rya Lewis was asked for an autograph yesterday.