Which sandal tan are you?


Jeffrey Gustaveson, Backpage editor

If there’s anything we at the Backpage know to be true in this world, it’s that we can tell a lot about a person based on their sandal tan. See which one matches your personality!


Wearers of this German-made sandal typically hail from some sort of liberal bastion like Seattle or Portland, and want to make sure the whole campus knows it. The Birkenstock is not merely a footwear choice – it’s a lifestyle. If someone is rocking this bizarrely thick sandal tan, they’re probably wearing a flannel, unbuttoned so as not to obscure the Bernie Sanders shirt underneath. They dabble in any and all things pretentious: chances are they only like music “you’ve never heard of,” they’re really into their philosophy class, they love This American Life, and they wore their “Birks” throughout Europe during a life-changing trip one summer. Oh, and have they mentioned how great it is being vegan?


Do you even climb? The Chaco tan is something of a myth in the Whitman outdoors community. This elusive zigzag pattern can only be found where stoke level is at its highest – perhaps on a totally gnarly crag or within the hallowed halls of Tamarac House. Chaco-tanners typically talk incessantly about how “chill” the Scramble that they led was, and are prone to nasty bouts with backwards-hat-syndrome. They probably have a collection of stickers that is rumored to have been a water bottle in a past life. Tragically, overusing the word “rad” is a common side effect of the Chaco tan.  Hint: If you can understand what a group of climbers is talking about, you probably have a Chaco tan.


Flip-flops do not always result in a tan, but we can tell quite a bit about the wearer nonetheless. Flip-flops are versatile attire, worn by many Whitties. They can be found on the feet of everyone from that first-year who is perpetually ten-minutes late to Encounters, to the laid-back fraternity member who manages to incorporate them into any outfit, no matter the weather. A local legend tells us that swimmers typically wear flip-flops, but there hasn’t been a confirmed sighting of a swimmer on campus since the early ’70s, so it’s anybody’s guess if that’s true. Finally, a rule: Any group of people all wearing flip-flops can be assumed to be from California. This rule is always, without qualification, true. Always.