Found near the libes: Swipe card in ID card holder attached to Whitman College lanyard.

Found in Olin Hall: Nalgene bottle with 15+ stickers on it. Come by Prentiss Room 106 to claim it. If you can name five of the stickers, it’s yours.

Lost sometime during first year: My desire for brunch. It happens every single weekend and I’m so over it. What’s the big deal?

Lost night of ’80s Dance: Dignity. Probably hiding somewhere around 2-West dressed in neon and spandex. If found, please return to Lyman Room 330 before I get my first Encounters paper grade back. Without it I’ll just go cry to my professor during office hours.

Lost somewhere on campus: Sobriety. Seriously guys. I think I took my pants off at some point? Give me a call if you know what happened last night.

Found in Maxey Hall Computer Lab: Essay entitled “Foucault and the contemporaneous intellectual discourse on plurality and mutualism.” I turned it in to your professor for you. You’re welcome.

Lost: The weekend. Last seen at: Somewhere on Isaacs Ave. If found please return ASAP to Anderson Room 238. How else will I get my Gen Chem homework done on time?

Found in fountain in front of Hunter Conservatory: Boxers. Printed with ducks. Didn’t pick them up, they are still there… Gross. Just thought the owner should know.