Valentine’s Day personalities

Elena Aragon

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.


Email This Story






Illustration: Julie Peterson

LONELY SINGLE
This fellow could not be more obvious that he has no one to love on Valentine’s Day. Moping around with a pout and a downturned head, he is the embodiment of loneliness itself, treating this day as a mourning ceremony rather than a commercial holiday filled with candy. No amounts of Adele or tequila can bring him any comfort.

SINGLE AND EMPOWERED
Nothing is more refreshing than interacting with a person who is confident and doesn’t let the romantic drags of this day bring them down. However, this person likes to be involved in many “anti-Valentine’s” activities, which makes the dreary pain of this day even worse.

HO FO SHO
We all know those people who use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to try to get in on dat V-Day action. Just because the emphasis is on love this day, it does not mean Cupid is ready to shoot around arrows with condoms attached. The male version preys on the lonely single girl who is just looking for reassurance.

CUPID’S CHOKEHOLD
You can recognize this person if she is in a long distance relationship and spends all day skyping with her sweet boo. Another tell-tale sign is tons of mail-ordered flowers and balloons. It looks like her room was decorated by the Hallmark people themselves. The best thing to do is avoid these people, or else they will incessantly talk to you about their loving cutie pie, which is enough sugar to make you want to puke.

CUTESY COUPLE
These pairs can range from adorable and cute to way too over the top, and the reason so many people hate this damn holiday in the first place. They do all the typical agenda items: breakfast in bed, sweet cards, flowers, dinner date and movie. Oh god, it’s like a cheesy romantic comedy. Get me out of here!!

JOLLY LEPRECHAUN
These folks are cheery and give out loads of chocolate and valentines to everybody!! Gotta love the people who don’t believe that the tasty aspects of Valentine’s Day are limited to romantic couples.