Valentine’s Day personalities

Elena Aragon

Illustration: Julie Peterson

This fellow could not be more obvious that he has no one to love on Valentine’s Day. Moping around with a pout and a downturned head, he is the embodiment of loneliness itself, treating this day as a mourning ceremony rather than a commercial holiday filled with candy. No amounts of Adele or tequila can bring him any comfort.

Nothing is more refreshing than interacting with a person who is confident and doesn’t let the romantic drags of this day bring them down. However, this person likes to be involved in many “anti-Valentine’s” activities, which makes the dreary pain of this day even worse.

We all know those people who use Valentine’s Day as an excuse to try to get in on dat V-Day action. Just because the emphasis is on love this day, it does not mean Cupid is ready to shoot around arrows with condoms attached. The male version preys on the lonely single girl who is just looking for reassurance.

You can recognize this person if she is in a long distance relationship and spends all day skyping with her sweet boo. Another tell-tale sign is tons of mail-ordered flowers and balloons. It looks like her room was decorated by the Hallmark people themselves. The best thing to do is avoid these people, or else they will incessantly talk to you about their loving cutie pie, which is enough sugar to make you want to puke.

These pairs can range from adorable and cute to way too over the top, and the reason so many people hate this damn holiday in the first place. They do all the typical agenda items: breakfast in bed, sweet cards, flowers, dinner date and movie. Oh god, it’s like a cheesy romantic comedy. Get me out of here!!

These folks are cheery and give out loads of chocolate and valentines to everybody!! Gotta love the people who don’t believe that the tasty aspects of Valentine’s Day are limited to romantic couples.