Amateur astrology: What will 2012 bring for you?

Clara Bartlett

This article was co-authored by Clara Bartlett

ARIES: Intense eye lust has been building up over the past semester between you and a classmate. So endure the possible awkwardness and reap the rewards of your risk. Ben and Jerry await you if all else fails.

Illustrations: MaryAnne Bowen

TAURUS: You’re prone to making decisions on a whim lately. While your self-confidence runs high, beware of coming off as brash or arrogant. Watch an episode of “Jersey Shore” and take a lesson from the guidos.

GEMINI: Your creative energy is strong. Take some time to explore your artistic side: you might be surprised at what you find out about yourself. It’s cool; miniature earwax sculptures are totally an underrated art form.

CANCER: You seek counsel from unreliable sources. Be warned, this guidance can lead to destructive consequences if taken. Now you’re starting to find it ironic that you’re reading this horoscope.

LEO: With a lot of work and rising tensions between friends, you’re feeling more and more stressed. Be sure to find a moment to take a deep breath in and a deep breath out. But try not to do it in a residence hall bathroom.

VIRGO: You are feeling organized and in control. Your financial prospects are promising. But don’t spend it all in one place. That Star Wars collectible bed-sheet set probably isn’t worth it.

LIBRA: The full moon on the 8th ¬†brings misery with it. You seek solace in your favorite romantic comedies, but be careful: Too many viewings of “Bridget Jones’s Diary” can result in unrealistic expectations for the men in your life and the hilarity of uncomfortable situations at parties.

SCORPIO: The first weeks of the year bring a series of poor choices. You’ll hit rock bottom when you consider getting a tattoo of a design you ‘serendipitously’ doodled in class. Whatever you do, don’t go through with it; it’s hideous.

SAGITTARIUS: You will have an alarmingly successful start to the next year. Things may seem like they’re all going your way for once. Don’t be fooled though: one drunken, teary karaoke rendition of Rihanna’s latest single means you’ll be back to square one by the end of February.

CAPRICORN: Things are looking hazy. You’ve always been the most mysterious sign due to your spontaneous nature, but who knows what will happen to you next? Looks like things will be: oh, wait. The telescope just had a smudge on it. Same old, same old for you, I’m afraid.

AQUARIUS: Your frenemy is seeking revenge for the passive-aggressive Facebook status you posted about her last week. What would Blair Waldorf do? Well, she probably wouldn’t be seeking advice from a horoscope, that’s for sure.

PISCES: Making New Year’s resolutions is a futile endeavor. Let’s face it, Pisces, the only thing going for you is that 2011 is almost behind you. The 16th brings a mild sense of hope when an unexpected second chance comes your way, but that’s just Saturn messing with you.