It’s that time of year, people. You know what I’m talking about. When you’ve got ACRES of homework to do and ENDLESS exams to study for . . . but you just can’t bring yourself to care. Somehow, you always seem to have loads of other things to be doing. I have condensed all the things I’d rather be doing besides homework into the following comprehensive list:

COMPREHENSIVE LIST

1. Shave a teddy bear

2. Give birth to a porcupine

3. Give birth to a rhinoceros

4. Write my article for The Pio

5. Give birth to a triceratops

6. Watch reruns of “Gilligan’s Island”

7. Learn sword-swallowing through trial and error

8. Listen to the CD in my section bathroom labeled “Enya / Gregorian Chant Mix Yo! :)”

9. Get a paper cut. ON MY RETINA.

10. Stand in a room full of feminists and scream, “MAN UP!!”

11. Do a 1000-piece puzzle entitled “Nothin’ But Clear, Blue Sky”

12. Read my MLA Handbook front to back. And then back to front.

13. Listen to “Love the Way You Lie” yet again OH MY COW I HATE THAT SONG SO MUCH

14. Read Twilight fanfiction

15. Go on a date with Voldemort (AWKWARD HUG TIME)