Sure, sleep might sound really appealing now, but just wait until it’s Tuesday night and you’ve spent your entire four-day weekend watching re-runs of “The Golden Girls” and eating puffy cheesy snack foods. Then you’ll get to school on Wednesday and all the cool kids ask will you what you did, and you’ll have to say that you watched Blanche whore herself out again while salivating over those pies that are always in Sophia’s fridge. And that’s seriously uncool. Just imagine if you could say, “I saw The Greatest Band Of All Time put on The Greatest Concert Of All Time and it wat the greatest moment of my entire life.” But uh-oh! You forgot to check the concert listings! Now you don’t even know where to start, do you? Never fear: the ear is here. I proudly present the where-to, how-to, why-to concert guide for all four days. Your social life can thank me later.
BUILT TO SPILL: In my mind, “Carry The Zero” is the perfect song. It’s lyrically haunting, has just enough build up and a tremendously delicious climax. Musically, it’s rich and swelling, in true Built to Spill form: Oozing with guitars, basses, vocals, drums, and a bevy of unidentifiable instruments employed to a perfect T. Many people in the ’90s thought that Built to Spill would be the next Pavement. They weren’t, and their last two albums have been allover disappointments, but the concert will nevertheless be gorgeous. The Delusions and Camper Van Beethoven open.
SEATTLE: 10/05/07 and 10/06/07, Showbox At The Market
DATAROCK: Brilliant Norwegian electro-pop dance band Datarock will surely give a memorable show, as they always perform in matching, head-to-toe red tracksuits, and, like Dan-Deacon-meets-Devo, Datarock will not rest until every human being is out of their seats and on the floor. Don’t expect anything short of a major performance, equipped with all the surprises you’d expect from the kinds of guys who insist on wearing sunglasses at every show. Foreign Born opens.
SAN FRANCISCO: 10/05/07, Rickshaw Stop; PORTLAND: 10/06/07, Doug Fir Lounge; SEATTLE: 10/07/07, Chop Suey
FRANKIE VALLI AND THE FOUR SEASONS: If these old school harmonizers can still doo-wop, it’ll be a blast from the days you used to listen exclusively to the Golden Oldies. You should practice geting the tenor part to “Sherry” down, because I doubt these guys can still hit that high D. Bring your parents: After all, they ARE paying for your college education, and they deserve a night out. Plus maybe they’ll buy you a T-shirt. Everyone needs a Frankie Valli T-shirt.
SAN FRANCISCO: 10/06/07; Nob Hill Masonic Center
THE GO-GO’S:Go-go to this concert. Obviously.
SAN FRANCISCO: 10/05/07, The Independent
HARDLY STRICTLY BLUEGRASS 2007: This is the one festival to go to over four-day. Because bluegrass is SICK and this show is going to be SICK and I’m nearly positive there will be a lot of good, deep-fried food. Featured performers include Bela Fleck and the Flecktones (who would make the whole thing worth it by themselves), Blanche, David Olney, Fionn Regan, Future Man, Los Lobos, Emmy Lou Harris, Nick Lowe, Ricky Skaggs, Steve Earle, T-Bone Burnett and The New Lost City Ramblers, AMONG SO SO SO MANY MORE. If only I was Bay Area-bound. Bluegrass definitely does the body good.
SAN FRANCISCO: 10/06/07 and 10/07/07; Golden Gate Park
METRIC: You know how sometimes you hear amazing female vocals over dark-punk-driven pop beats and you think, “That lead singer must be sooo hot,” and then you see her in concert and she’s kind of a dog? Yeah, me too. That’s always a bummer. But Emily Haines, Metric’s amazingly talented frontwoman, is legitimately sexy. You will want to bone her. But you’ll be dancing so hard you won’t remember to get blue-balled over it. Crystal Castles opens.
PORTLAND: 10/08/07, Wonder Ballroom; SEATTLE: 10/09, Showbox At The Market
M. WARD: Do not –– do not –– miss the chance to see M. Ward in concert: He is far and above one of the greatest living guitarists, so even if you can’t appreciate his weepy singer-songwriter roots, your jaw will nevertheless drop at his fancy finger work. M. Ward just re-released his first record, “Duets For Guitar #2,” and will be sure to play old favorites and soon-to-be classics. Just for the record: I’d recommend seeing M. Ward in Portland, his favorite city (“Every town is all the same/ When you’ve left your heart in the Portland rain,” from “Paul’s Song”). It’ll be worth it.
PORTLAND: 10/07/07, Crystal Ballroom
NICK LOWE: Yes, that Nick Lowe. When I found out he was touring, I too said, “Isn’t he, like 82?” But, no: Wikipedia tells me he’s really only 58, and apparently kickin’ enough to put on what promises to be a fantastic concert. As the frontman of the Brinsleys, Lowe is considered by many to be one of the fundamental influences of punk rock in the late ’70s, and you can’t get more basic than that.
SEATTLE: 10/05/07, Great American Music Hall; SAN FRANCISCO, Speedway Meadow at Golden Gate Park; PORTLAND: 10/08/07, Aladdin Theater
OHMEGA WATTS: Originally hailing from Brooklyn and then finding a welcoming home in Portland, Ohmega Watts is one of the finest hip-hop artists putting on shows today. He is obviously influenced by Ghostface Killah and RZA, with a lot of originality and complete uniqueness at the same time.
SEATTLE: 10/06/07, Nectar Lounge
PATTON OSWALT: You know Patton Oswalt. He’s that guy on “King of Queens.” Or, if you’re like me and you’ve never actually watched “King of Queens,” he’s that guy who says funny shit on VH1’s freakishly brilliant “Best Week Ever.” No? Okay: Patton Oswalt is considered by pretty much everyone to be one of the funniest comedians in America today. Fellow funny-folk Maria Bamford and Brian Posehn join in.
PORTLAND: 10/05/07, Roseland Theater
SHE WANTS REVENGE: If you’re sorta bummed out that you never got to see Joy Division in concert, or you’ve just felt like your life has been waaay to happy and peppy lately, you might want to check out this Los Angeles spoken-word-music fusion duo in all their super-depressed glory.
PORTLAND: 10/07/07, Roseland Theater; SEATTLE: 10/08/07, Showbox At The Market
STEPHEN KELLOGG AND THE SIXERS: Stephen Kellogg is one of those musicians who is still making music the way they used to make it: It makes your feet tap, and you don’t really listen to the lyrics, and then there’s an awesome guitar solo or something. Except that somehow Kellogg’s lyrics are deeply moving, and he works them brilliantly with his music.
SEATTLE: 10/06/07, The Triple Door
TINY VIPERS: This what I call “West Coast music” at its epitome. Tiny Vipers is singer/songwriter Jesey Fortino, who taught herself to play delicate, soft, sad folk music and became an instant sensation in the Pacific Northwest. She’s brilliant at what she does, and a few of her tracks will absolutely break your heart. This is mostly for the Horse Feathers/ Iron and Wine crowd: Drink a lot of caffeine before you go or the hypnotic precision of Fortino’s soft vocals will put you to sleep.
PORTLAND: 10/05/07, Aladdin Theater; SEATTLE: 10/07/07, Showbox At The Market
UNDEROATH: Christian metalcore. If that’s what floats your boat. Maylene And The Sons of Disaster and Poison The Well open.
PORTLAND: 10/09/07, Roseland Theater
THE WEAKERTHANS: Although The Weakerthans were formed by former Propagandhi bassist John Samson, their music is utterly different. The Weakerthans have become known for slowed down, melody-driven music (it’s still punky, but kind of like if punk did a lot of heroin [it probably did, but let’s keep going with this analogy] and then drank some whiskey and then got on stage way slowed down but still as interesting). The show should be worthwhile. And if nothing else, Samson is kind of a legend. Jeremy Fisher and The Last Town Chorus open.
SEATTLE: 10/05/07, Neumo’
